Presence - The Base of All Inner Game

Presence is the Base of All Inner Game. Hands down. Everything you do that is to be congruent, powerful, believable, and real has to come from a place of presence.

Yet, so many people I've sarged with, aspiring social artist and chumps alike, exist in the distant realm of thought, of worry, of anxiety. They're not in the moment, they're in their heads.

It's crippling, and yet, 90% of people do it!

So then, what does it take to be present? What does it take to exist in the Now?

It's a very simple idea that is very difficult to start practicing. As my friend Dyce would say, it's a total fucking paradigm shift.

In order to be present, you need to be absolutely accepting and aware of the present here and now.







That's it.







And it's a total mind fuck. I'm sure part of you is reading this and saying "Wait, what do you mean 'be absolutely accepting and aware'? Does that mean when I'm thinking of my opener, or when she gives me a shit test, or when I'm feeling bad? Am I supposed to be absolutely aware then?"

Yes. Be absolutely accepting and aware. Feel your body, from the tips of your fingers, to your forearms, to you upper arms, shoulders, back, stomach, chest, butt, genitals, thighs, calves, shins, feet, your face, your hair, and to even the most callous part of your ears. Feel your surroundings, where you're seated, the lights around you, the clock, Monet painting, or Star Wars figure you have on your wall, whats behind you, whats in front of you, and most importantly - the space within.

Being accepting of your emotions is the most difficult part. As I write this, I am just coming out of some time in therapy working against anxiety, and to be honest, feelings anxiety and accepting it is not what I want to be doing. In fact, all negative emotions aren't something we want to experience but something that presence quickly works through.

Try it out. Next time you feel any negative emotion - pain, fear, anxiety, loneliness, rejection, etc - actively accept the emotion and feel it. Let it run its course in your body for as long as it needs and just as fast as it came, it will leave you. If you're having difficulty simply "feeling" the emotion, greet the negative feeling by saying "Hello Pain, Rejection, etc" and invite into your body - you will be soon rid of this unwanted guest.

When you're feeling more, you will be more aware of your surroundings and what triggers what emotions, and move onto a deeper level of understanding of yourself. Further, the pain will decrease, and the pleasure will become more satisfying.

Be more, feel more, grow more.

Evangelo

Fabric of Being - The Development of a Personal Style

Personal style is one, if not, the most, overlooked parts of self-improvement and social artistry. Although some aspects of it are given respect (general concepts of peacocking theory, being "well groomed," etc), most set the aspirants to look more like a Kohl's metrosexual or a Gotti gone wrong.

So then, what should one to do develop style, identity, and such, and have it all be congruent? Well, to start, let's take a look at a nerdy AFC (that I just found on the internet) and Mystery, host of The Pickup Artist.



Beyond the seemingly obvious that both are "in costume," the realities of their sense of style still exist. Mystery's clothes not only fit him, but say the best things about him as a person and his identity, while are suited towards the girls he like ("Girls who wanna fuck rockstars."), and on top of it all, stands out to get attention (basic peacocking). Juxtapose that with clothes that don't fit the nerd, are bland, say nothing but negative things about his personality ("I'm boring and needy - in fact my mother dresses me!") and makes him only stand out because of his inept fashion sense, he has nothing going for him, really.

And the nerd could be as smooth as Mystery. All things considered who has a better chance not only with women, but with people as a whole?

I think the prize clearly goes to Mystery here.

Now, although I love peacocking and think it does have it's benefits, I personally think that it is the icing on the cake of having a solid sense of identity, style, and fashion. To make things simplier, I've developed a conceptual view of how to dress yourself for the best. This model, what I call the "Fabric of Being" is to guide you on how your "best self" should be put forward in clothing, above all else. It comes in 6 steps that move from most general, to most specific in conveying personality and yourself.

1. The Fabric of Your Being
This is the most abstract level of developing a sense of fashion and identity. This considers everything you are, everything you have ever done, all your hopes dreams, aspirations, goals, your habits, patterns, thoughts, posture - everything. Think of it like as an enormous sheet of fabric that is being woven everyday.



This encompasses everything you are - the good, the bad, the ugly, the unknown. The trick is to cut all the weak spots and ugly parts of yourself out and have you best self come out.

2. Make it fit
I won't go into details here, but it is incredibly important for people to look their best and wear clothes that fit them. You want to look your best, and that means showing your body as a healthy, important, and real part of who you are.

3. Remove Negatives
The next step is to take out the parts of you that are not helpful to being your best self. The most common thread in all self-improvement is to "change for the better" and it applies for fashion.

Do you have a love for horror movies with decapitations?
Leave it out.

Do you dislike fat people with a passion?
Don't show it in clothing.

Do you have small forearms?
Hide them.

Anything that is not a healthy opinion, but a passion that rides close to hatred is probably not the best for fashion. A peer of mine in my acting class used to always wear oversized pro-life sweatshirts. Even for those that were pro-life, it was an alienating fashion statement that made everyone feel weird. Worse, I'm a feminist, and I never sat even near her. Look at all that she lost! :D

4. Your Identity
The next, and probably most important step, is to start tailoring your "fabric of being" to display yourself as a concrete identity. This is something that I will talk about later, since it is a deep issue, but for the sake of brevity, your identity answers the question:

What role do I play in life?

I'm an entertainer, an engineer, a writer, a comedian, a model, a magician, etc. These are identities. The following are not identities.

I'm fun.
This is an attribute. Anyone can be fun.

I'm good looking.
Another attribute. Lots of people are good looking.

I'm a pickup artist.
That's not an identity, that's a vague label.

I will discuss this more later, but in essence, your role your play in life usually is the thing you do most and enjoy doing the most.

5. Targeting
Beyond who you are, who do you like to associate with or want to meet? Again, consider Mystery, who has a specific kind of girl he goes after. Clearly, he does not dress for church-goers, for wallflowers, or for gay bodybuilders. Rather, his style not only screams "I'm alpha, and a Magician," but finishes by saying "and I really love over the top women."

For me, a piece of jade around my neck get the attention I want from the girls I want, and for others, a leather jacket, a cross, or Nike Dunks could attract the girls they want. This is much less important than who you are and how things fit, but is still important.

6.Peacocking
All other things considered, people can, and will dress boldly in all other categories prior, but peacocking makes you stand out. I won't go into detail here, but it's the icing on the cake, the cherry on top, and the candle on the cupcake.

With that, I'm off to New York to try my Fabric of Being theory out.

Boogie

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"How Tall Are You?" and Other Great Banter Lines

There's nothing I love more than a good one liners. I love dry humor - Mitch Hedgeberg and all those other comedians I catch late night on Comedy Central -and they're best lines are easily repeatable non-sense.

But, in regular conversation, it doesn't work that well all the time.

Sometimes you hit the boring point, when conversation on a topic dries up and you have nowhere to go. Most people sigh, look around (as if there would be an escape to this conversation) and say "So..." Nah man.

That doesn't work.

Any social artist will tell you otherwise- whether they're a schmoozer, a party animal, or a conversationalist. There's nothing worse than "milking it," so have something ready in your back pocket.

My personal favorite comes from my father's schmoozing ability. It's simple, it's interesting, and it's non-threatening:

"How tall are you?"

I can't tell you how many times this has saved me in awkward conversation. People will answer it almost automatically, and then with a smile, ask "Why did you ask that?" It's all your's from there. Say anything.